I have the best news any sinner can hear! 1 John 1:9 tells us: "If we confess our sin, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us of all unrighteousness." Further, Romans 11:29 adds: "For the gift and call of God are without repentance." Malachi reminds us that he is God and he does not change. Now, if you are a believer, as your Reformed theology tells you, you are so by God’s gift and call (Eph. 2:8; Rom. 8:29-30). Therefore, if God has called you, for him to fail to forgive you or not give you the gift of repentance unto life (Acts 11:18), the impossible would have to happen. The God of heaven and earth who has declared, "I am God, I change not," would have to change! Now tell me (and tell yourself too) the answer to your question. As I love to tell the congregation here each Sunday when we confess our sins corporately, "You who have trusted in Christ for salvation, your sins are forgiven you." All of them are forgivenbar nonefor Christ died for all of your sins, past, present and future. They are forgotten.
Finally, I have some sympathy for your former predicament. I am a manipulator (I should say, a futile attempted manipulator) who is well practiced at trying to get God to do things for me. I think he must smile at my weak attempts, just as I smiled at my small children years ago who tried to do things that were impossible for lack of strength. I am truly sorry for your past grief. Now join us, your fellow believers, in rejoicing in the grace of a loving Father in heaven who does no wrong but only good for us.
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